I’ve shied away from writing about the current Philly sports landscape. There are three billions sites covering the Phillies playoff run, and all are better than mine. (I prefer the www.thegoodphight.com myself). So if you want my thoughts on last night’s game, text me. And if you don’t have my number, well, buy me a drink first. Be polite, respectful. Ask me questions. Don’t talk just about yourself. And don’t brag. I hate that.

 

Last weekend, I was in Buffalo, NY for a wedding. Everyone I know gets married in Buffalo because it’s good luck to have rain on your wedding day. I flew in Thursday night and stayed with my old college roommate (We’ll refer to him as ‘Brandon’ from here on out). Now Brandon and I are in an exclusive club. When most people were playing Madden, or (pfft) X-Box in college, Brandon and I were kicking it old school with the original Nintendo:

 

There was the night we played drinking Super Mario 3 with 100-proof Southern Comfort.

 

Or the time I accidentally got knocked out by King Hippo. (I got caught with a right jab).

 

And then there was Tecmo Super Bowl – the Holy Grail of video games. Since 2002, our freshman year of college, we have played about 1,000 games of Tecmo. My senior year of college, during one particular hot streak, I decided to write down the results and post them on the refrigerator.

 

Winner 

Dave

 

Team

Falcons

 

Player of the Game

Mike Rozier

 

Rozier held impromptu press conferences in our dorm room. He used a TI-83 for a make-shift mic.

 

It was a good win for us today. The O-line did a great job of creating some holes for me.

 

Brandon hated it. He called me obnoxious. I told him his D-line lost the battle at the line of scrimmage.  

 

This went on for years. We would play around ten games in one sitting and then argue over who won more. Teams were picked randomly. Close your eyes. Push the control pad frantically. Stop on the count of three. Brandon always landed on the Jets.

 

“Protect the ball, Blair Thomas!” became a standard plea.

 

So this past weekend, the rivalry was renewed. Brandon brought the Gentlemen Jack Daniels, and I brought my complex eight-play playbook.

 

Game 1: Jets vs. Redskins

 

This time I’m the Jets, and Blair Thomas has a chip on his shoulder. I sustain a seven minute drive, lulling him to sleep with four yard runs off-tackle. Brandon fills up his glass twice.

 

“I’m not happy.”

 

Pat Leahy boots four field goals. Brandon waves the white flag late in the 4^th with a desperate Gary Clark reverse hand-off.

 

Winner: Dave

 

Game 2: Dolphins vs. Cowboys

 

I set-up shop in the AFC East and walk over a beleaguered Cowboys team. Michael Irvin is out with an injury, no doubt stemming from Brandon’s season with the Browns that began in the winter of ’92.

 

I run a two-quarterback system with Marino and Scott Mitchell.

 

Both guys bring something different to the table, I explain.

 

“You’re such a loser.”

 

Winner: Dave

 

Game 3: Vikings vs. ???

 

This Minnesota playbook should be shot and buried underneath the Metrodome. Herschel Walker is slow, Wade Wilson is erratic, and that Rick Fenney dive play is fooling no one.

 

 

I have no idea who Brandon was. It didn’t matter.

 

Winner: Brandon

 

Game 4: Rams vs. Chargers

 

San Diego and Phoenix have the worst playbooks in the game. 75% of the plays aren’t runnable (not a word) against a seasoned player.

 

I love the Rams. Underrated. Cleveland Gary, a Brandon killer, would later run for 245 yards on Sunday.

 

Brandon punts numerous times on second and third down. Marion Butts blasts his coach’s play calling after the game.

 

Winner: Dave

 

Brief intermission. The Gentlemen’s is going down real smooth now. We leave some profanity-laced voicemails for some old classmates. I give one poor soul who answers the phone a play-by-play of my Game 1 victory.

 

Freeman McNeil for four.

 

Thomas for five.

 

O’Brien to McNeil for three.

 

…

 

Byner for two. Tackle by Byrd.

 

Byner for no gain. Tackle by Byrd.

 

Rypien, incomplete pass.

 

Punt.

 

…

 

…

 

Still there, John?

 

Game 5: ??? vs. Bills

 

I think Brandon keeps calling his fullback (Jamie Mueller) ‘Karl Mecklenburg.’ I must be drunk.

 

“Mecklenburg didn’t pick up the blitz there.”

 

Nope, Brandon is definitely confusing Jamie Mueller with Broncos linebacker, Karl Mecklenburg.

 

 

Winner: Brandon

 

Games 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

 

Things got ugly here. Brandon, desperate and whiskey-breathed, stopped closing his eyes and picked the Bills, 49ers, Packers, Eagles, and 49ers in succession. I get steamrolled. He mocks me by throwing to Jerry Rice in triple coverage. Bob Nelson sets up camp in my backfield and later roasts some marshmallows. Keith Byars scores from three yards out in the slowest developing sweep play in history.

 

I, on the other hand, have more turnovers than completions.

 

Ivy Joe Hunter, despite being in excellent condition, coughs it up twice.

 

Chris Warren fumbles two kickoffs.

 

Dave Kreig is color blind.

 

Winner: Brandon

 

 

Only thirty-seven games left to recap.

 

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Still there, readers?